Jokes

Hi Everybody!  Some jokes I wanted to share with you! Enjoy, hope you haven't seen them before. 

Hugs to All of You!

Merry

 

Hell's in bad shape 

There was a fence that divided Heaven from Hell. One day God notices that the devil's side is in pretty bad shape. It is falling down, badly in need of paint, weeds growing up around it, etc.

So, God hollers over the fence, “Hey Satan, why don't you fix up your side of the fence?”

Satan hollers back, “Why don't you mind your own business.”

So God says, “I'll hire a lawyer and sue you if you don't.”

The devil replies, "Yeah, right. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

Jack's Last Will and Testament

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament:

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."

Baste a turkey

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"

There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.

Too Late, He's Long Dead

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late!"