Monday, October 23, 2006

Popularity

(Not that I would know by personal experience!  -Merry)

 
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
 

Being popular, to me, is simply being likeable. I think being likeable means:

  1. To like yourself. Not in a vain-glory way, but just liking who you are on the inside. If you don't like yourself, imagine how much harder is it for others to like you. Liking yourself is a matter of doing what you know is right in your heart.

  2. To listen. Everyone has a need to talk. Those that really listen will always have someone to talk with - and notice, I said talk "with" not "to".

  3. Don't talk too much about yourself. Bragging, constantly talking about yourself, and other forms of egotism are boring. If you don't believe that go look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and tell you how wonderful you are. You'll get tired of it quickly, so do others. To be interesting to others is simply to be interested in others more than you are in talking about yourself.

  4. Smile! Sounds simple, and it is, but people like people who smile at them. It makes them smile and smiling makes you feel happy. If you smile when you first see someone, and each time you first see them, there's a good chance they'll like you just because they make you smile. It makes them feel good about themselves.

  5. Be generous of spirit. It doesn't matter how good a person feels about themselves, it's always nice for them to know others appreciate their talent, accomplishments, personality, attitude, uniqueness, etc. There are hundreds of things you can compliment someone about, just be genuine and don't go overboard with it. Insincerity can be sensed. Genuinely complimenting someone costs you nothing, but to the recipient, an unsolicited compliment is something that can't be bought at any price.

  6. Be slow to be critical. I probably get one letter critical of my web site or newsletter for every 99 that compliment me. It still thrills me to receive compliments and still bothers me to be criticized. I know you can't please everyone, but I'm human and that's just the way we are.

  7. Don't try too hard to be liked. Those that do are often perceived in negative ways - like emotionally needy, overbearing, insincere, or many other things that will put distance between you and others. Not everyone will like you, just as you're not going to like everyone. In those cases, accept that and move on.

  8. Don't be a whiner! No one wants to listen to constant complaining, fault-finding and holier-than-thou attitudes.

  9. Don't talk negatively about others. Others will realize if you talk badly to them about others behind their back, you'll also speak poorly of them when they're not around.

  10. Don't talk too loud. A whisper is listened to more closely than a shout. People that are seeking attention often talk louder than normal in an attempt to force their way to the top of the conversation chain. While the result of that can work in the short term, the long term result is usually that you have less opportunities to mingle with others. Accept your natural place in a conversation. Sometimes that will be taking a lead role, and other times it will be patiently listening and waiting for the right moment to comment.

So how'd I do? What are your keys to popularity and friendship?

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
- Epictetus

"Popularity is a crime from the moment it is sought; it is only a virtue where men have it whether they will or no."
- George Savile

After a bit of a disclaimer about my qualifications to answer that question, I said this...

Being popular, to me, is simply being likeable. I think being likeable means:

  1. To like yourself. Not in a vain-glory way, but just liking who you are on the inside. If you don't like yourself, imagine how much harder is it for others to like you. Liking yourself is a matter of doing what you know is right in your heart.

  2. To listen. Everyone has a need to talk. Those that really listen will always have someone to talk with - and notice, I said talk "with" not "to".

  3. Don't talk too much about yourself. Bragging, constantly talking about yourself, and other forms of egotism are boring. If you don't believe that go look in the mirror and look yourself in the eye and tell you how wonderful you are. You'll get tired of it quickly, so do others. To be interesting to others is simply to be interested in others more than you are in talking about yourself.

  4. Smile! Sounds simple, and it is, but people like people who smile at them. It makes them smile and smiling makes you feel happy. If you smile when you first see someone, and each time you first see them, there's a good chance they'll like you just because they make you smile. It makes them feel good about themselves.

  5. Be generous of spirit. It doesn't matter how good a person feels about themselves, it's always nice for them to know others appreciate their talent, accomplishments, personality, attitude, uniqueness, etc. There are hundreds of things you can compliment someone about, just be genuine and don't go overboard with it. Insincerity can be sensed. Genuinely complimenting someone costs you nothing, but to the recipient, an unsolicited compliment is something that can't be bought at any price.

  6. Be slow to be critical. I probably get one letter critical of my web site or newsletter for every 99 that compliment me. It still thrills me to receive compliments and still bothers me to be criticized. I know you can't please everyone, but I'm human and that's just the way we are.

  7. Don't try too hard to be liked. Those that do are often perceived in negative ways - like emotionally needy, overbearing, insincere, or many other things that will put distance between you and others. Not everyone will like you, just as you're not going to like everyone. In those cases, accept that and move on.

  8. Don't be a whiner! No one wants to listen to constant complaining, fault-finding and holier-than-thou attitudes.

  9. Don't talk negatively about others. Others will realize if you talk badly to them about others behind their back, you'll also speak poorly of them when they're not around.

  10. Don't talk too loud. A whisper is listened to more closely than a shout. People that are seeking attention often talk louder than normal in an attempt to force their way to the top of the conversation chain. While the result of that can work in the short term, the long term result is usually that you have less opportunities to mingle with others. Accept your natural place in a conversation. Sometimes that will be taking a lead role, and other times it will be patiently listening and waiting for the right moment to comment.

So how'd I do? What are your keys to popularity and friendship?

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
- Epictetus

"Popularity is a crime from the moment it is sought; it is only a virtue where men have it whether they will or no."
- George Savile
   -

Some food for thought here anyway.

 
 
Until later on, 

Merry

 

merry1621@aol.com

2 comments:

yankeygr said...

Excellent advise! This is really something that everybody should read and put to good use! There's no such thing as having to many friends. Especially when one of them is yourself! Thanks for the Great entry!
Love ya, Rhonda

rebuketheworld said...

boy if we could all master these..think how amazing we would feel and be...again..a profound entry Merry..Thank you, Raven